why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
