Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
