my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
