its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
