I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
