we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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