My friends, they love my intelligence
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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