Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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