you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
