no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
