I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
