he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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