I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
being pregnant is like rehab
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
