mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
