Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
he had hair everywhere except his balls
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
