omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
