Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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