First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
