I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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