Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
