Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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