im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
