I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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