she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
