If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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