I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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