You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I think weed is turning my hair brown
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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