When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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