On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
