You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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