we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I think pants incapable of making pants work
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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