you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
