Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize