i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
