I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Randomize
