Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
