apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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