How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
