U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I am one with the molecules
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize