I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
