The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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