I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
ok first of all what the fuck
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
