you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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