I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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