i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
