When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
