This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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