If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I don't deserve a penis
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Randomize
