don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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