dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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