It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
