I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
