God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Im just a social blackout drinker.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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