I heard we made out
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
