I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
