how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I supernannyed him into submission
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
