my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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