He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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