his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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