I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
