YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
